Your Manager Sucks and You're Not Imagining It: An ND Survival Guide
Let's Be Real
Your manager is technically brilliant and socially clueless. They react to your suggestions like you just insulted their mother, and they treat your previous management experience like you're plotting a coup. Sound familiar?
Here's the thing: you're not broken, they're just bad at their job. And unfortunately, corporate America loves promoting people who can code but can't human.
Why Your Manager Is Like This
They're scared. Genuinely terrified that someone (you) will figure out they have no idea what they're doing with people. Every time you open your mouth with a reasonable suggestion, their brain screams "THREAT DETECTED" and they go into defensive mode.
It's not personal. Well, it feels personal, but it's actually about their own insecurity.
How to Not Lose Your Mind
Stop Playing Their Emotional Regulation Game
You know that thing where you carefully craft the perfect suggestion and they still react like you've personally attacked them? Stop doing that to yourself.
Instead:
"Hey, want me to take point on the boring documentation stuff?"
"I found something that might help - should I send it over or mention it later?"
"What's the best way to flag stuff like this in future?"
Make Everything Boringly Predictable
ND brains like predictability. So do insecure managers, turns out. Create patterns:
Same time for check-ins
Same format for updates
Same method for suggestions (email, not ambush conversations)
Document Like Your Job Depends On It
Because it might. Keep records of:
What you actually did (not what they remember you did)
When you did it
Who saw you do it
Any feedback (positive or negative)
This isn't paranoia, it's professional self-defense.
Stop Making Them Look Bad (Even When They Deserve It)
I know, I know. It's infuriating. But:
Don't correct them in meetings
Share credit even when it's mostly your work
Ask collaborative questions instead of making statements
Let them have their little moments of feeling important
Find Your People
Not everyone in your workplace is emotionally constipated. Find the ones who:
Actually listen when you talk
Don't make you mask constantly
Appreciate what you bring to the table
These relationships will keep you sane.
Energy Management for Dealing with Difficult Humans
Working with insecure managers is exhausting for everyone. For ND people, it's like running a marathon while someone shouts random numbers at you.
Survival tactics:
Take actual breaks (not "I'll eat lunch at my desk" breaks)
Use your stims, fidgets, whatever helps you regulate
Don't try to fix them (spoiler: you can't)
Remember this is temporary
When to Abandon Ship
Sometimes the best strategy is realizing you're trying to teach a goldfish to climb a tree. Consider your exit if:
Your mental health is tanking
They're actively blocking your growth
You dread going to work
You've tried everything and they're still awful
Your career matters more than their feelings.
The Bottom Line
Your manager's insecurity is not your responsibility to fix. Your neurodivergent brain is not the problem here. You deserve to work somewhere that doesn't require constant emotional gymnastics just to do your job.
Play the game strategically, protect your energy, document everything, and remember: this too shall pass. Either they'll get better (unlikely), get promoted away from you (possible), or you'll find something better (inevitable if you keep looking).
You're not the problem. You never were.